Changes

Some changes have taken place in my life since I wrote last... I got my job back. No longer Mosaic but Chrysalis. I am once again reminded that I love my job. It truly is the best one I have had... thus the desire to stay in it now for 16 months. I chose to be laid off. I found out that I needed a break. I have discovered that in order to appreciate something great you need the opportunity to miss it. I found out quickly that I MISSED MY JOB. As a result of my chosen "break" I almost didn't get the job back... and it was hard to convince the new big boss that I genuinely just wanted to be back, surrounded by the amazing people I serve, and to feel accomplished again. For the first time ever I can honestly say that I am good at what I do. I wasn't so sure when the transition of Mosaic to Chrysalis began...A series of events took place which in the end left me wanting... which is another reason why I chose to leave as opposed to staying. Anyone who has gone through a transition of companies knows what I am talking about, so many things change... people are offered promotions you felt you deserved, people whom you have worked with for months leave, management changes, routines change, protocol changes... ultimately that much change all at once has a tendency to leave you unsure about everything you were so certain of only a few short weeks before. In the end the clients won out. I had no idea just how important a role each person has played in my life until they weren't in it anymore. I have sooo missed them and am glad to be back.

I finally paid off my car a couple days ago... the four years I have had this vehicle have been the longest years of my life. Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about this car... it has been the torment of my life, the bane of my existence, the pile of metal that pretends to be a car, the monster in my driveway and the biggest chore I have ever had to be responsible for. On the other hand, it has been my freedom, my independence, my friend. It's weird to call a car a friend but ultimately you do have a relationship of sorts with your car... you love it when you see it, so you buy it, after that you take care of it when it's sick, you baby it every day and care for it until it's done with life... or you get sick of paying to have it fixed and get a replacement. lol. This is what I am attempting to do next week... I have found a lovely little car... it's Gold, it's shiny, it's new... and I have earned it. I test drove it a few days ago and what a feeling! I had forgotten that you aren't supposed to get whiplash when going over bumps and that the engine shouldn't sound like it's going to explode or spew birds when you start it. Windshield wipers should work... tires shouldn't have to be replaced every other month and the spark plugs should not... I repeat should not blow out of your engine when you are on the freeway. You shouldn't have to leave your car on the freeway in American Fork because it completely falls apart while you are on a date. lol... bad experience and not impressive. This car does none of these things... so hopefully I will get it. I am excited to find out.

I have decided after nearly 20 years of arguing with myself that for the moment I am done with my Dad's side of the family, I say for the moment because ultimately I do want to feel like a part of the family and always end up giving in at some point. While I feel pretty confident that this is going to stick, I can't know what will happen in the next few months and I am a pretty forgiving person. I love my family, don't get me wrong, I do, but they have been hurtful in sooo many ways. I am tired of feeling unwanted, unloved, and unworthy of their time. I have taken each one of them into consideration for every important event in my life... we are not wanted or included in anything for the family. When there is a family reunion and everyone but you and your siblings are invited to go... it doesn't leave you feeling accepted or loved. On one hand I feel like I am being petty but on the other I feel like ever since my parents got divorced so did we... I have a wonderful family who does want me around, that I can count on and that I know would do anything for me. I cannot say that for them. Hence, I am done... I am heartbroken about it but I am a good person, and someone who deserves to be cared about... they are the ones missing out which is sad.

Everything else is going very well for me right now... aside from my being completely single... I dislike that part of my life but I have not found anyone I like enough to date in a long time and so I deal... lol.