Just for the Heck of it...

I just thought I would jot down a few thoughts since it has been forever since the last time I posted and quite a bit of stuff has taken place... I got a second job... it's really the twin sister of the job I already had... I work for Affinity Workshop in Nephi as well as Chrysalis. I am a job coach during the day and spend all day instead of only a few hours with my clients, which on one hand is A LOT but on the other it is getting me back where I need to be financially so what more is there to ask for.

Phoebe dropped a big surprise on me one evening late September... she is pregnant again... with TWINS!!! BOTH GIRLS!!! I think we both could spit rainbows the excitement is just THAT overwhelming. I finally get my name sake... She is naming one Isabella Niccole and the other is going to be Elisiah Brielle... She calls me Bree and my middle name is Elisia (Alecia) I can't wait to get to meet these little girls. Between the two of us we have succeeded in the future hosing down of these poor babies with Theoretical Pepto Bismol... with all the pink.

Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went like a flash as they usually do but brought with them another pleasant surprise... CHELSIE IS ALSO PREGNANT!!!! For the first time and I am sooooo stoked for her... can't wait to meet this little one as well but that won't be til August sometime. Pore Chelsie is gonna fry this summer.... GOOD LUCK CHELS!!!

A new year is here and with it comes a lot of questions as to where my life is headed as opposed to where I really wish it were. At this point in my life I fully expected to be Married, and raising my 3 children by now... none of that seems to be in the cards for me just yet and I will be 29 in June... It makes for some really down and out days for me but then I think about those I have dated in the past and I start to feel better. LOL!!!

I still hope that some day soon I will meet that one person that I get to do all of these things with. In God's time I know... I know... it still isn't easy to not be a little bit antsy about my empty little life right now. I do play a huge role in some really special spirits right now and that always helps to know that for now I AM doing what I am supposed to with my life but we all fall victim to that need for immediate Gratification at one point or another don't we?

The End of the World? Not quite...it could still get worse...

This last week has been a bit of a strange one. It started with The newest "End of the world" scare... luckily we all survived that! lol. I think people will do and say just about anything to get a little attention. I got some laughs throughout the day though so it was a good day.

Jeremiah, my ex husband emailed me at the beginning of the week, expressing a great need to talk to me, after getting in touch with him he informed me that he needs to use my Old car for a while because he is living in a storage shed and still hasn't been able to find work but with transportation he thinks it will happen faster.

I heard these words and told him no he isn't living in a storage shed if I can help it so he is staying with me in my apartment for now til he can get the Elantra running and a job. I have been so quick to complain about my "less then worthy shelter" situation out at my parents house... and I hear something like this from someone I still love greatly and I gotta say... I feel like an ungrateful shmuck. He never complains... it's just matter of fact "Hey, I was wondering if you would still be willing to let me use your car for a while because I am currently homeless and without work?" Oh... well sure!!!

I gotta say it has been so nice having him back... even just as friends... It's so comfortable and the dynamic is as always wonderful but it gets me to reminiscing about how the hell we got here of all places... it's so strange to think that I was married to this man... I look at him and I know it happened but it feels strangely like a different person took over my body for a while. I am not the same girl at all but there is always a part of me that belongs to him... We got to talking about the "Us" subject because as soon as he divorced the most recent wife both of our families held true to flipping out at the thought of us getting back together. So naturally, I wanted to hear the trash his parents have been saying... He didn't elaborate... dang it. He did say that he doesn't feel that backtracking is the answer... I agree but disagree too because It's been a decade since we got divorced... Neither one of us is the same person so how can it possibly be backtracking when It's a totally different situation... I don't know. I don't know that I want to go back to him... don't know much of anything except that I am on such a cloud with him around... I haven't been this content in so long... I would like to at least consider it and have it considered... who knows where we will be next week though right? Maybe that guy got the date wrong by a week... lol.

Phoenix James (Sosa) Price finally arrived on March 6, 2011. He weighed 8 lbs. 3 oz and was 21 in. long. As you can see he has tons of dark hair and is just the sweetest baby.

I got to go and spend a couple of days with Phoebe and him right after he was born and I will cherish every moment I got to spend.

Phoenix is being adopted by other friends of ours. The adoption will be open so we can still be a part of his life which I am so glad about. I hope that is how it actually plays out but if not, I have some really precious memories of this little man.

The experience was bittersweet for sure.

Welcome to 2011!!!

I know it's a bit late but being without a computer has taken it's toll on my punctuality. I have several new changes already lined up for this year... some are really good... some are hopefuls and some are a bit sad. First... I still have my job and am just about caught up with all of my training which will secure said job for the next year... I am still loving my job just as much as I did the first week I started almost two years ago... wow... I have found out that there is always something to learn about my clients and I am having a blast figuring out each sweet personality I have been put in charge with throughout the year.

I may have a side job designing website backgrounds and templates here pretty soon. Thanks largely to my dad's new girlfriend. This job just may be my saving grace... up to a thousand dollars per page can be mine. I am really excited to get the internship and start doing something substantial with my artwork. Terry( the girlfriend) says she thinks I have more promise and potential than most of the graduate students who come in looking for a midlevel job. She likes my sense of composition and balance of color and is excited to teach me how to do coding and all the ins and out of web design... so I am keeping my fingers crossed on that and hoping for the best.

Phoebe will be having her baby in a couple of weeks and then is moving back to Washington with her mother... this time for good. I don't like this change... it feels a bit like a chapter of my life is ending and it's one that has been going for 14 years... it will be hard to see her go but I know she needs to... so on that note... I wish her well and hope that it doesn't completely alter our dynamic.

New Car...

This week I bought a new car... it's Gold, it's shiny... it's new... ITS MINE!!! I am so happy with it. I have been needing and wanting a new car for a very long time and I was so pleased that I actually got a loan. I have a hard time understanding the whole concept of low credit... You ask for a loan and they say no because you have low credit... so you go and apply for a credit card to build said credit and they say no because you have low credit... how the crap does that happen? You need to build your credit which is what credit cards are for but you can't build it because you have bad credit??? WELL DUH!!! THUS THE ENTIRE REASON FOR APPLYING IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! It's backwards and frusterating so you keep plugging along... this has been the story of my life since conception pretty much... and finally I have barely enough credit to buy a car that works.

Now... I am not complaining anymore because that smidgen of credit was enough to get the beautiful vehicle that I can now call my own. I will be posting pictures soon...

Changes

Some changes have taken place in my life since I wrote last... I got my job back. No longer Mosaic but Chrysalis. I am once again reminded that I love my job. It truly is the best one I have had... thus the desire to stay in it now for 16 months. I chose to be laid off. I found out that I needed a break. I have discovered that in order to appreciate something great you need the opportunity to miss it. I found out quickly that I MISSED MY JOB. As a result of my chosen "break" I almost didn't get the job back... and it was hard to convince the new big boss that I genuinely just wanted to be back, surrounded by the amazing people I serve, and to feel accomplished again. For the first time ever I can honestly say that I am good at what I do. I wasn't so sure when the transition of Mosaic to Chrysalis began...A series of events took place which in the end left me wanting... which is another reason why I chose to leave as opposed to staying. Anyone who has gone through a transition of companies knows what I am talking about, so many things change... people are offered promotions you felt you deserved, people whom you have worked with for months leave, management changes, routines change, protocol changes... ultimately that much change all at once has a tendency to leave you unsure about everything you were so certain of only a few short weeks before. In the end the clients won out. I had no idea just how important a role each person has played in my life until they weren't in it anymore. I have sooo missed them and am glad to be back.

I finally paid off my car a couple days ago... the four years I have had this vehicle have been the longest years of my life. Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about this car... it has been the torment of my life, the bane of my existence, the pile of metal that pretends to be a car, the monster in my driveway and the biggest chore I have ever had to be responsible for. On the other hand, it has been my freedom, my independence, my friend. It's weird to call a car a friend but ultimately you do have a relationship of sorts with your car... you love it when you see it, so you buy it, after that you take care of it when it's sick, you baby it every day and care for it until it's done with life... or you get sick of paying to have it fixed and get a replacement. lol. This is what I am attempting to do next week... I have found a lovely little car... it's Gold, it's shiny, it's new... and I have earned it. I test drove it a few days ago and what a feeling! I had forgotten that you aren't supposed to get whiplash when going over bumps and that the engine shouldn't sound like it's going to explode or spew birds when you start it. Windshield wipers should work... tires shouldn't have to be replaced every other month and the spark plugs should not... I repeat should not blow out of your engine when you are on the freeway. You shouldn't have to leave your car on the freeway in American Fork because it completely falls apart while you are on a date. lol... bad experience and not impressive. This car does none of these things... so hopefully I will get it. I am excited to find out.

I have decided after nearly 20 years of arguing with myself that for the moment I am done with my Dad's side of the family, I say for the moment because ultimately I do want to feel like a part of the family and always end up giving in at some point. While I feel pretty confident that this is going to stick, I can't know what will happen in the next few months and I am a pretty forgiving person. I love my family, don't get me wrong, I do, but they have been hurtful in sooo many ways. I am tired of feeling unwanted, unloved, and unworthy of their time. I have taken each one of them into consideration for every important event in my life... we are not wanted or included in anything for the family. When there is a family reunion and everyone but you and your siblings are invited to go... it doesn't leave you feeling accepted or loved. On one hand I feel like I am being petty but on the other I feel like ever since my parents got divorced so did we... I have a wonderful family who does want me around, that I can count on and that I know would do anything for me. I cannot say that for them. Hence, I am done... I am heartbroken about it but I am a good person, and someone who deserves to be cared about... they are the ones missing out which is sad.

Everything else is going very well for me right now... aside from my being completely single... I dislike that part of my life but I have not found anyone I like enough to date in a long time and so I deal... lol.

Books and my creativity... or lack thereof.

So My mom has a book published as is displayed on my profile called The Tipton Chronicals... such a good book and she has now written a sequel to the book which I spent the last day and a half reading the rough draft for... also fantastic. It always makes me think about getting in touch with the creative part of my inner self and attempting to do the same thing... my mom did it... twice... and is getting ready to write the third book as we speak... so why can't I?

I will tell you why... I cannot write. I mean I can write but I can't "Write" I get my laptop out and open an empty page and in the end it just stays empty... no ideas ever come... no inspirational plots... not even names of Characters should I write a book... so once again... I am giving up. I am just going to console myself with the thought that I have written a lot of poetry and I draw, sing, dance, crochet... pretty much everything else in the creativity department... this is just one gift I was not blessed with.